Yesterday, M. and I were watching No Highway In The Sky (1951) with Marlene Dietrich (who I adore) and Jimmy Stewart (in a part I wish had been played by Cary Grant, as I find Stewart annoying). F. made a vulgar comment about Marlene, the way he does about Rock Hudson or Talullah Bankhead.
Later, I was discussing what happened with M. Or rather I was probably off on one of my monologues, since she was preoccupied. Somewhere in the midst of ‘talent in the face of adversity’ blah blah blah, I almost let it slip. I actually had to pause and catch myself, beat red from near admission, fear had choked me up.
With everything going on, it’s not the right time. I guess there really is never a good time. Still, it hurts.